Past, Present , Future
by thatfairyprincesss
Summary: R has been struggling to remember his past. The others have already remembered theirs, including their own names, so why couldn't he remember his? It bothered him. It shouldn't, but it did. Meanwhile other problems began to arise in his relationship with Julie. Why did he have to suck at everything?


As you guys have probably already guessed, my name is Julie. In the eight years that I have known R, a lot of things have changed. People began to accept the other zombies into the community.

They were teaching them how to live again, and how to do things for themselves again. Eventually, over time, a zombie school was made for them so that they may learn how to socialize with other human beings. Thankfully R didn't need any of that, he had already come far along on his own.

R has been acting very strangely lately. I mean, technically he's already strange because he's a zombie - - or was a zombie. I consider him to be a normal human being now, but lately he's been feeling very conflicted about himself. Who he was… where he came from… he's been trying very hard to remember ever since society started accepting the zombies into their homes and life style. Sometimes I would walk in from work, and find him staring at himself in the mirror. He would take his fingers, tracing them all over his face, sometimes stopping at his eyebrows or nose. Every once in a while, a tear would seep out of his eyes.

"R" I asked, stopping with a bag of groceries, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine"

He said that way to quickly for me. I shook my head at him, "Liar. I can smell it a mile away. What's wrong?"

R turned around, somewhat awkwardly, he was still trying to learn how to gain proper posture. I liked the fact that he still limped around whenever he moved; it was a cute trait of him that I loved when I began to get comfortable near him after we first met.

"Need….to rememeber." R said slowly, "But can't. Feel sad."

"R- - " I dropped the bag of groceries immediately, walking over to him. I placed a hand on his shoulders before pulling him into a strong hug, "It's okay if you don't remember right away. Why are you trying so hard?"

"Society changing… " R said, "Want to change too."

"You don't need to change just because they are, R". I shook my head at him. R wanted to change? But I liked him the way he is.. . … the limping…the slow way of speaking… the only thing that mattered to me was the fact that he was a good hearted person/zombie…guy…thing….and that was all that mattered to me. That's all that should matter, right? I decided to give him a metephor, "If they all jumped off a bridge and fell into a water full of sharks, would you do that too, just because they're doing it?"

R shrugged his shoulders at me. I rolled my eyes. You'd think by now that he'd stop shrugging and answer with actual wording. "Will you stop it with the shrugging?" I covered my mouth, "Sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice. Just answer with a yes or no based on what you feel. "

It took him a while, he was actually thinking about it. Wow.

Finally he shook his head no.

"Good, I knew you wouldn't do something so crazy like that." I smiled at him, flashing teeth. I pulled away from him, grabbing his wrists. "I have something that might help you feel better about yourself."

As I pulled him through the hallway, we stopped. We both sat down at the same time on the couches in the living room, as if we were in sync with each other. That's another thing about him that I loved- he always managed to do whatever it was that I was doing at the exact same time.

I pulled out a couple of forms, handing it to him. He stared at it as if they were aliens in the middle of his lap.

"What…..are these…..?" He asked, tilting an eyebrow at me.

I laughed, "They're applications. Fill one out, and I'll take them to the job site tomorrow morning when I go into work."

"Ooo…..ooo…kay." He nodded, a small smile on his face. Bingo.

"I might….be…slow." He said, shifting his eyes toward the floor.

"That's alright, R." He nodded, "Take all the time you need. I'm in the shower."

I gave him a kiss near the lips, his hand reaching up to touch my cheeks. He was fascinated with my hair. Whenever my hair was near him he wanted to play with it like a little kitten. Yet another thing that I loved about him.

When I pulled away, we stared at each other for a few extra seconds, smiles on our faces before I finally laughed and ran upstairs to shower.

* * *

[R's POV]

She was gone. When she had left, I had strange pieces of paper sitting in front of me. Some of the text were small and hard to make out, I filled out the form best I could. Thankfully I already knew how to write. I had a little bit of difficulty trying to hold the pencil, and my handwriting was fricken terrible. Jesus. How were people going to read this? Was my hand writing legit?

When I got down to the last part of the form, I felt conflicted all over again. It was asking for a signature. In the human world, that meant name. I only had one name…which happened to be only one letter: R. It was bothering me greatly that I hadn't remembered my old self yet; what my old name was. Everybody else that was welcomed into the human world were advancing a lot quicker than I was in that department. M remembered his name as Markus.

K remembered her name as Kaylee. A remembered her name as Amanda, and J remembered his name as Jim (he liked to be refered to now as "Jimmy" . ). I understand what Julie was trying to say, but at the same time, if they could remember their names, then why couldn't I?

I couldn't remember anything. At all. It was fricken depressing. .. .god it was so depressing.

After I finished the forms, I stood up and walked away. It was raining outside - Perfect, just like the mood I was feeling. I slid open the doors that lead out to the balcony, looking over the railing. I leaned backwards, closing my eyes and breathing in the fresh smell of rain. I don't know why, but listening to the sound of nature always calmed my nerves down. Being in the rain helped numb whatever feeling I was feeling if I didn't wanna feel it.

* * *

I came back down from the shower, freshly dressed with the strong smell of potpourri in the air. I was brushing my hair with my favorite pink brush that I had brought from walmart, "R, did you finish?" I asked, "couldn't have taken you that long t-" I noticed he was missing. I looked around the room but didn't see him anywhere. I looked out by the sides where the kitchen was, and he was not there. I looked to the other side, and he wasn't there.

Okay Julie. Remain calm. R wouldn't just walk out and leave, not after all the things we've been through together, good and bad. He wouldn't do that. He's not that kind of person.

Taking a deep breath, I turned and went to the sliding doors. That was the only logical answer that I could find if he hadn't have ran outside. And I prefer to go by logical answers first than running around frantic and looking like an idiot in the process. Running outside to the front screaming for his name would definitely fall under the "idiot" category to other people watching me outside.

Sliding the doors open, I found him when I turned to the left. He was sitting outside in the rain.

"R, " I frowned at him, dropping the hand with the brush down to my sides, "Please come back inside. How long have you been out here?"

"Don't know… " He shrugged. **Again.**

God that was starting to annoy me, but I ignored it this time. He was probably going to keep doing that because of his lack of vocabulary. No offense on his part for it.

"Please come inside…" I frowned at him, kneeling down beside him. "Please?"

It took him a second. Finally, he reached out, placing his hand into mine. I slowly helped pull him up, so that he wouldn't fall on himself by accident. I lead him into the house, closing the sliding doors behind us when I was able to. I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to give him a passionate kiss or not… he really seemed depressed over not being able to remember anything about himself, and I knew why. It was because his other zombie friends were remembering their old lives very quickly, and he was still stuck in the same position he had always been in from when he became a zombie.

I knew this was probably going to make him recoil at the very thought of it, but it was the only thing I could think of… maybe getting a job and going to zombie school would help bring back some of his memories… the life that he had been searching for.

"How would you like to go to zombie school?" I asked him. "It might help you find what you are looking for." I asked. "And quite frankly, I think that's the only reason why your friends found themselves again."

R shrugged. "Alright. I'll try."

"Good, then I'll sign out some more paper work tonight," I smiled at him. I would have continued to go upstairs, but I felt a tug on my fingers. He ..kind of sort of yanked me towards him, I was a little surprised by the swift movement. The next thing I knew, we were kissing each other like the way I was wanting to earlier, but didn't because of how he was feeling. It would've been to awkward for me to even think of doing something like that to someone who was so depressed. It didn't feel like the right moment.

But here I was , passionately kissing my boyfriend. He seemed to be feeling a little better.

"Thank you…" He said after we broke apart for some air. "Julie…. "

"No problem-" I almost said 'Romeo' but I caught myself. Now wouldn't be the good time to joke around with nicknames or names. If I called him that he would've thought that his name was actually Romeo. That's the only reason why he goes by the name 'R'. It was because I gave it to him when we first met at the airport.

* * *

[R POV ]

Later on that night, Julie had finally finished filling out the mountain of paper work to send into the school. She placed her reading glasses on the other side of her, on the desk with the mountains of papers. Then, she turned out the light and laid down for rest. I had already been laying down, but was watching her movements in the process.

Even though I had changed into some fresh pajamas and a house robe that belonged to her father (he insisted on me keeping it…he wouldn't leave me alone until I put it on and wore it…. I didn't want to.. ) , I was still freezing cold. I was shaking a little, but did my best to hide it. She had enough on her plate to worry about and help me with, last thing she needed was to wonder if my health was okay or not.

"Good night R" She said, placing her head on my chest. I loved it when she did that. "I hope you find what you are looking for."

There was a pause; I was playing with her curly locks of blonde hair. It was a bright, welcoming color of yellow. "Me too."

Before long, both of us went to sleep. I felt at peace for once, but only because of Julie…

Julie…

I love you…

* * *

A/N: And that's the end of chapter 1! Leave some reviews, and let me know what you would like to see happen next with R and Julie!


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